So I Guess I’m Just Settling?


I’m the girl that jumped from relationship to relationship and never took the time out to get to know herself. It started with my first love in high school and followed by numerous relationships throughout college. By the age of 21, I would then begin a ten-year relationship which included seven years of marriage. The summer of 2017, I looked up, and my marriage was heading to divorce. In the beginning, I fought hard trying to save a marriage that didn’t need to be saved, settling and trying to build a man.

Those of you who know me know that I have a very close relationship with my mother and she is the most honest and don’t hold shit back person in my life. When I say, this woman was terrified for me when I decided to start dating, that would be an understatement. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I see the good in everyone, which is a gift and a curse. Yeah, I’m a little naive, but I’ve gotten better during this personal growth phase of mine. She warned me that there was a shortage of men and it would take some time to meet the right one.

Most of the quality ones were already snatched up, either incarcerated or dead, and of course, my fabulous gay men weren’t checking for me at all. Here, I am a 32-year-old woman with no kids trying to find a good man, tuh! What the hell was I thinking? It’s possible, don’t get me wrong but it was going to be a process, a complicated and entertaining process I must say.

I’m a natural born lover of the idea of love, romance, and fairytale endings are my thing. I found myself going on dates left and right with no hesitation. My mentality was you never know who you may end up with, so give them all a try (please don’t think like me it will get you nowhere). I went on dates with men who I dated in my teenage years, I’ve been on blind dates, I tried dating an older man and let’s not talking about the horror stories of my dating life.

“Imagine a man wanting to take you out on a date in a hearse”?

I can’t make this stuff up if I wanted to, I have a list of horrible dating experiences, but we would be here all day discussing those trying times in my life. With that being said I found myself right back where I started, settling.

I knew what I wanted in a man, and I was beginning to lose my focus and trying to rush to be in a relationship just because I wasn’t use to being single. You set yourself up for failure when you settle.

So I eased down on the dating.

  • So do you feel like its okay to take a step back from dating and not date at all and get to know you?
  • Have you given up on dating and just come to terms with the fact that you may be alone for the rest of your life?
  • Or are you patient and know the right man will come along?
  • Or are you that individual who doesn’t mind settling? Settling to the fact that you are willing to be number 2 in someone else’s life?

5 thoughts

  1. 😂😂 I gotta hear more of the horrible dates. But this story of finding yourself not through a relationship but within yourself is a remarkable story, dating doesn’t define you as a person.


    1. We definitely need to talk about these dates one day soon. I need to write a book on my dating experiences ASAP! I’m being very patient but I’m not going to front I miss having a significant other sometimes lol.


  2. I enjoyed reading this blog on settling down. Haven’t really been in too many long term relationships but the one long term relationship I was in, was all peachy at first but then turned out to be a prison of love. I had to tell myself I’m too young to be stressed and not living life. So it only lasted 3yrs. I’ve always been a relationship type of guy and I still am, but In my opinion it’s more than okay to step back and get to know yourself and what makes you happy. If your not happy how could you make someone else happy? Self love comes first. The rest will eventually fall into place, let’s just hope it doesn’t take eternity lol.


    1. Yes, I agree as you’ve read I’m a relationship girl as well, so I have my days where I yearn for companionship. I feel like I’m 80% happy as of right now, so I want to be completely there when I get into my next relationship. I also don’t want to rush it and know whatever is meant to be will be. I must say I’m excited to finally meet that special one someday. 😊


  3. What I’ve learned by being single over the last 4/5 years. Is that, regardless of how long we wait, or how much work we out into ourselves, we want what we want. And that’s what you gravitate to for the most part. I believe in good energy. And solely that. Feelings, emotions, love, can all be confusing. But your energy towards me will show me the like, love, etc. We’re looking for. My OPINION….

    Liked by 1 person

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