I could never pinpoint precisely the date, time and place where I didn’t want to be here anymore? I just knew I was in a dark space and felt like maybe me no longer existing would stop all the pain and confusion I had going on inside me. Depression touch many generations of my family and once upon a time I was that individual who couldn’t understand how someone could make themselves go into a mental state where they’re depressed or even had a thought of harming themselves? Mental illness has no name, and at first, I was so scared to talk about this issue, but I know so many people in my life who are battling mental health issues every day.
For me there was never an event that triggered me feeling down, I could wake up and be happy and then all of sudden I would burst into tears. I had been going through these emotions for a while, and I felt like I didn’t have anyone to talk to about how I was feeling because of constant judgment. Why are you so depressed you know how many people would love your life? You’re gorgeous, what do you have to be sad about? How many times have we witnessed millionaires and billionaires commit suicide? We all seem to think that money makes you happy right?
I remember days where I would come home and sit in the dark for hours and cry. I remember days coming home from work and going straight to sleep so that I didn’t have to think. Crying was one of my favorite hobbies, oh how I loved that pastime. Looking at me no one knew what I was going through behind closed doors. I always felt like I had to be the strong one because I was always the go-to girl for everything. I had to be strong for everybody else but how come I wasn’t strong for myself?
Depression is home to many of people male and female, young and old like I said before it has no name. I think my biggest breakthrough was telling my loved ones I had suicidal thoughts, the pain I saw in their eyes scared me. Just the feeling of the pain I would endure to others if I decided to take that route devastated me. But, most importantly I had to choose to start putting myself first and to also realize that my life mattered and I had a purpose. So here’s a list of things that help me to deal with my depression:
- Prayer- I’m still working on this and trying to be more consistent, but I feel whenever I start my day off with thanking God, my day runs smoothly and I’m at peace. Be more appreciative!
- Flowers- Yes, flowers every Sunday I would buy flowers for myself. Take the time to see the beauty in things that we take for granted. Flowers to me come in different sizes, shapes, and colors and they are beautiful especially sunflowers.
- Date yourself- I use to be so scared to go to dinner by myself, I love it now! A nice cocktail, a steak and some therapeutic me time.
- Make a playlist of your favorite songs- I love music and just hearing your favorite songs seem to always take me back to a happy place or memory. Apple Music: Celebrity Rashay
- Journaling- Writing is a great way to handle depression and allows you to express yourself. One of my favorite books is the 52 List of Happiness, check it out!
- Take a car ride- I live for a late night car ride and listening to music or just enjoying the scenery. Sometimes I would take a trip to places I used to live when I was younger to reflect on how far I have come.
- A nice bubble bath and some candles- No explanation needed!
- Let go off negative people- Make sure your circle is supportive and positive.
- Travel- Even if it’s a simple day trip, get out of the house!
- Working out- It allowed me to clear my mind and also reach my weight loss goal.
I became very vulnerable for this post, and I’m happy that I am in a place to share this with you. Please, don’t give up on yourself and please believe that you will get through what ever mental health issue you are going through at this time. Please feel free to contact me if you ever need to; I’m only a click away. If no one has told you today, you are beautiful, amazing, worthy and I love you.