Single Life or Co-Wife?

As I sit here in Starbucks sipping on my Grande caramel macchiato (I want your blog experience to be visual as well as physical, so we’re here together). I’m listening to Spice Girls 2 Become 1 which is the inspiration for blog post, no pun intended. I’ve held conversations with female and male friends on a relevant issue that connects single, in a relationship and married people alike. What do you do when your single and all the quality men are taken? Do you accept the fact that your search may take a little longer to find that needle in the haystack ( the good man without any attachments, thanks Jas)? Or are you willing to share? If you’re sensitive to subject content, do not continue to read.

Since I have become single especially after the age of 30, the picking of men are slim to none. I’ve been on date after date to the point I was labeled as the girl who only went on dates for food (damn, that was kind of harsh). Realistically I knew what kind of man I wanted, but those type of men were already snatched up and taken. I wasn’t alone; my single girlfriends were in the same boat. Oh, and the horror stories that I have dating in this generation, we’ll talk about that later on down the road.

Having girl talk introduced me to some real life shit, I’ve been out the game for nearly ten years; I was so lost. I’ve encountered the I’m not with my girl anymore but we still live together man. The man who doesn’t have a girlfriend but somehow gets engaged a month later man, and let’s not forget the I’m in a relationship, but I’m an unhappy man. Is that what I have to look forward to?

From my male friends perspective, pretty much. Women are out here outnumbering men in these streets and men have a lot of options as well due to the advancement of social media. Majority of the men I encounter say that they wouldn’t mind having two women (two different personalities and attitudes, ya’ll crazy)! Ironically, some women would willingly accept the offer, yup I know a few. This situation would only be accepted if they were being taken care of financially and were completely satisfied. Their reasoning, the lack of quality men and the mentality that all men do is lie anyway (well some men).

So with that being said and I must say that this is a relevant topic that goes all the way back to before we were even thought of in our parent’s mind. Some of us have grandfathers with two different families who lived in the same neighborhood, let’s talk about it.

Would you as a woman deal with a man who wants to be with you and another woman in which he can provide for you both and fulfill your every need or want? If so, are you just settling and giving up hope? Or is this just a temporary situation until Mr. Right comes along?

Men, I definitely want to hear your opinion as well. Is this your ideal situation or will this type of relationship just add more unnecessary stress to your life?

15 thoughts

  1. It wouldnt bother me, sometimes it actually helps a relationship last and grow. No one person will fulfill all your desires and request, ie the beautiful trophy wife, but she not the brightest versus the home girl who intrigues your mind, but not truly attracted to her sexual cuz you see her more as a friend.

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      1. What if it’s not a matter of need and it just happens?
        Feelings do happen between people that spend time together intentional or not.
        Maybe it genuinely starts as Friends and it grows.

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  2. This is something that would just bring more stress into my life. Simply put, I DONT LIKE SHARING!!! I don’t even share with my kids!! I think this was my mom and dad’s situation and i didn’t and still don’t like how things were/are so i know i wouldn’t want it for myself……maybe

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    1. I think most women want to be the only one naturally. I never witness this actually happen but for you to, wow! I don’t know, you know me and you have talked personally about some crazy situations! This world gets crazier and crazier everyday, I’m just going to take my time figuring out what I want for my next relationship.

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      1. I really think it boils down to where you are mentally. I’ve never been married before so of course when i find my mr right im not tryna share him with anyone and imma do everything necessary to make it last forever!! God forbid if i was to have all that but it didnt last forever then MAYBE i would consider something like this. I’ll be 40 soon and dont have patience for games now so i definitely wont wanna be bothered with it later on down the line. For some something like this after a divorce would be their easiest solution

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  3. I’m on the fence with this topic. One side of me says I would love to be able to have the best of “2” worlds. The other side says, if you love that woman, why do you need another. Honestly Torn between the 2, but if I had the option I would definitely take the leap of faith and enjoy the experience. If it works, PERFECT. If not, now we know I’m a one woman man lol.

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    1. I would like to ask someone who is currently in this situation why they chose to go this route? Is it because they feel like they had to combine the two women to make their ideal woman? Are they just being greedy? I don’t know this is the most complex situation ever!

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  4. Due to past experiences and the more I matured. One partner when it comes to being in a relationship is more ideal once you factor in responsibilities and mental health. What I’ve learned over the years is that as a man when you are dealing with multiple women in a serious capacity you fail to notice the mental anguish you’re putting yourself through. Especially if the situations are being dealt with in the dark. I think Co-Wife relationships are completely different if all parties agree because it’s a lot of that going on out here as well. But as far as being in a serious relationship with 2 or more women and 1 is deemed the side jawn but you have love for her close to your girl that’s when the stress comes in.

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    1. I definitely believe with age comes wisdom and a better understanding that life is not perfect. I was always looking for a fairytale relationship and going through a marriage that ended in divorce, it opened my eyes to a lot of things. A lot of women I talk to are all for this kind of relationship and this is a reality in our generation.

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  5. Most of the time having two wives doesn’t come from love. It’s false love it’s more out of lust and the illusion of the other person in the relationship thinking it’s love. I doubt it’s true love between a man and his woman wasn’t supposed to be shared with through different identities. I would ask a person, So how do you have equal time to support multiple wives financially. The average living cost in America is 70,000 a year less than that your struggle. “ Don’t let IG fool y’all ppl are fake ballin” lol. Now Mentally can you have multiple wives going through some insecurities he’ll no. Ppl are bipolar has hell now a days one minute it’s this the other it’s that. The battlefield of one person mind is a life long battle and for a husband to show his woman that mental support of helping them feeling good and good and also that person finding themselves that her husband can’t have all that pressure on them is ridiculous. A peace of mind comes from within how can you find that when your lover , your support parent is in the other room fuckin some one else. Your anxiety, depression can over take you. And that includes emotionally as well everything is a circle mind, body and spirit. Imagine if that one husband told any shown his wife true love shown his children how to love themselves and others. Love is amazing love is the highlights of our lives but us as ppl liked everything else we abuse love. We manipulate Love we confuse it with lust because we don’t know any better or pride but most importantly hurt. Now I’m not going to go in spiritual because if you don’t know the answer to that then ppl are really lost. But I will say this biblical God was meant for one man to only love one woman and the ppl that didn’t do that in the,Bible! Believe blessings wasn’t not received generational curses was put on them.

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  6. Absolutely not! I’m old-fashioned when it comes to marriage. A marriage is between two people and that’s it. I understand that you may not get everything you want with one person but if you get the majority of things and those that are most important then that’s what matters. You also have to remember that you may not have all of the qualities that your partner would like as well. It’s about loving each other, growing together and creating a new path/life together. A third person opens the relationship up to many problems (too many to get into). Also who wants to share?

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  7. I just feel like nowadays these men don’t want much but fun or a moment… When you finally do meet a man who catches your interest he is unavailable…. Yet he still gives you attention treats you so kind and is a great friend… Now you are catching feelings for a taken man… You walk away but he won’t let you now you stuck between doing what’s right or risking it all…. Sometimes life makes no sense

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