Single & That’s By Choice.

Scrolling down my timeline on IG and I get so excited seeing people getting engaged, married, having a baby, or even becoming new homeowners. So, upon having a conversation with one of my peers, we spoke on the subject of relationships and being in one when you’re unfulfilled. When I say unfulfilled I mean not feeling like you’ve reached your full potential as an individual.

Maybe you’re not where you want to be in your career ? Perhaps you have a dream of starting a business? Maybe you’ve chosen to further your education and want to pursue your Master’s degree, hell maybe even your Ph.D.? Shit, maybe you’re not financially where you want to be in life? There are a host of personal reasons why you feel that you may not be ready to bring another individual into your situation. However, family members or maybe even some friends are always asking when you’re going to settle down? How come you guys can’t be like the elegant speaking T.I. Aka Tip and ask the most important question of all:


When it comes to relationships, you have to understand that you not only have to make decisions for yourself but another human being. I can’t even make decisions on what the hell I want for dinner sometimes? It’s so much pressure being asked about a relationship when at times you don’t know if you’re coming or going? You’re just not ready. Some of our parents are Baby Boomers born between ( 1946-1964) or Generation X (1965-1980) and pretty much have a different perspective on life when it pertains to relationships and marriage. In the African American community, there seems to be a time limit on when you should have a child, and when you should get married. We are conditioned to fit these stereotypes, and this can be pretty intimidating.

To each it’s own, and I must say that there is not a right in decision making when it comes to deciding whether you want to be in a relationship or not. However, if you are at a point in your life where you feel as though you are unfulfilled, there is nothing wrong with taking a step back and working on you. Sometimes we have to put our loved ones in their place and get straight to the point.

Sometimes we’re not in the state of mind to give someone 100%, and a relationship isn’t in the forecast. Whatever decision you have chosen to not be in one is valid. So listen to your instinct and honorably bow out the game. You may not have the time or energy to focus on dating, maybe your primary focus, for the time being, is you. There is nothing wrong with that decision. If you want to travel the world, finish school, fix your credit, or work on being a better you. ‘


So how do you handle the pressure of your loved one’s always asking when you’re going to settle down, and you know you’re not ready?  I can’t wait to hear your feedback; I need some tips myself. LOL

2 thoughts

  1. I tell my family I’m focused on making sure me and my son is good with going through the process of fixing certain things that are most important than a relationship and making sure I’m good financially, spiritually, mentally and last but not least emotionally. One thing people especially family looking in from outside do not know that your plate is full and before you want to give the undivided love and attention to someone, you have to make sure other areas are good to your standards about yourself before fully giving that significant other your undivided attention and time so the relationship once it happens can bloom into a forever love where both people are happy.


    1. Wooooo I felt this comment here. You’re right everyone is so quick to judge when they don’t know what you’re going through personally. I think it takes a strong person to make the decision to not start a relationship when honestly they’re not ready. Some many relationships fail due to not being fulfilled. Take your time you know what’s best for you.


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